Fantasy Basketball

Thanks to freedarko, I found the Tablet's wonderful challenge to pick the all-time Jewish starting five basketball team. As I discussed this with some friends, the challenge was posed to me to pick the all-time Chinese starting five. This was my response.

PG
me: seriously, have you noticed how every Chinese PG ever literally craps his shorts whenever Dwyane Wade sets up a half-court press? Do we teach dribbling in China? at the very least, I have a killer nickname, right?

PG, Backup
Woo Woo Wong: "Wong was known as one of the finest Chinese-American basketball players in his time" has to go down as one of the great backhanded compliments of our time, along with "Chewbacca was known as one of the finest Wookie orators in his time".

SG
Jeremy Lin: doubles as the smartest player on the team, and only the 3rd biggest douche (after Xing and Yi, and yes, damn straight that Xing just referred to himself in the 3rd person...it's just Xing being Xing)..

SF
Yi Jianlian: has the best nickname on the team (verbatim from Bill Simmons: There hasn't been a more effective nickname in years. Not only does it sound like the right nickname for him ("Chairman Yi"), but the joke-trapped-inside-the-joke (during ESPN's lottery show, there was video of Yi posting up actual chairs and spinning around them for layups) will never stop being funny. And when you think about it, we haven't been able to call anyone "The Chairman" since Sinatra died. So it's done -- we're calling Yi "The Chairman." This meeting is adjourned).

PF
Wang ZhiZhi: would allow everyone to make Wang jokes, though they probably would even without him on the team.

C
Mengke Bateer: the greatest thespian on the team, and it's not even close.

DNP-HAS NO FEET
Yao Ming: on the plus side, his first child (with his 6'3" wife) will become the greatest basketball player of all time. Too bad she'll have to toil in the WNBA. Although I seem to remember a certain someone that was able to make it big for the men's squad...
(side note: the girl from Hang Time, Daniella Deutscher, is 35 years old (!!!). This makes me feel three times as old as the day I found out Ken Griffey Jr retired and runs like an old Harrison Ford now).

Random NYC Observations

Apropos of nothing, here are a few of my observations so far about New York City.

The restaurant waiters are comically bad

• Some of them stare at you the entire time you eat. 
• Some of them never actually answer your question.
  me: "can you recommend a good white wine?"
  waiter: "would you like to hear about our specials tonight?"
• Some of them make up rules.
  me: "we would like two orders of the lobster special, please"
  waiter: "actually, as of 12 minutes ago, you can only order one lobster special for the table"
• Some of them say "that's amore!" roughly 26 times during your visit (sigh...I still enjoy Little Italy). 

Walking into a cab is a little like playing Russian roulette...only instead of one bullet out of six chambers, there are five bullets out of six chambers.

• Many of them pretend not to be able to hear you. 
• One of them bitched to me for the entirety of a 10-minute ride about how terrible the previous customer was. 
• One of them has been a cab driver in the US for 33 years but can't say much more than "you say airport, right? to fly?".
• One cab driver completely brightened my day, told me where all the good Argentine restaurants in NYC are, where all the good dance spots are, and how lucky I am to be living in the West Village.
• One of them nearly ran into a pedestrian while going 55 mph on a 15 mph street, then threatened to get out of the cab and "shut (the pedestrian's) face". 
• Many of them argue with you about the amount of tip you leave. Well, maybe if you weren't such a terrible cab driver in a SERVICE industry, I'd have given you a bigger tip.

The street vendors are a little slice of Christmas

• Maybe I don't always buy, but it's just nice knowing I COULD get a Rolex for $15.
• The smell of the grilled food draws you in, the people watching keeps you there (honestly, I will never cease to be fascinated to just watch people figure out how to eat a giant chunk of grilled chicken off a stick).
• I bought a pink tie on the street for $5, and proceeded to get about 12 compliments the next day on how awesome my tie is.

 How can you lose with this skyline?

Times Square is the 10th Circle of Hell

• Unless you enjoy walking around with people regularly bumping into you and being asked every 30 seconds if you want to go to a comedy show.
• My friend and I met in Times Square and decided to find a place for a quick drink. After passing TGI Fridays, ESPN Zone, Hard Rock Cafe, Olive Garden, and then TGI Fridays AGAIN, we finally settled on a small sushi place off Broadway that made us crappy cocktails for $15 a piece. For being such a unique part of NYC, there is absolutely nothing uniquely "New York" about Times Square, other than the fact that every billboard/restaurant supports something you've heard of in the mainstream.

You sometimes forget that there is trash right in front of you on the street

• I understand that Manhattan is a small strip of land and oftentimes there aren't any back alleys to leave your trash. But seriously, THERE IS TRASH JUST LYING ON THE SIDEWALKS. It's almost gotten to the point where it's like "hey, this place doesn't smell ridiculously terrible, maybe I should take a short break here".
• I am completely aware now when I'm back in Chicago just how clean Chicago is.

Central Park is not just a great idea...in the history of urban planning...but maybe...maybe a great idea...in the history of humans

• I love everything about Central Park. 

Nobody will ever accuse Chinatown restaurants of passing health and safety regulations

• I thought the trash and smell was bad in Financial District, Midtown, etc. Then I went to Chinatown.
• The thing I don't understand is that Little Italy and Chinatown are literally right next to each other. The street vendors sell the same items. They are both restaurant-heavy. And yet, Little Italy doesn't smell like Big Foot's dick or a used diaper filled with Indian food.
• I sometimes wonder how anyone could actually eat in Chinatown. I mean, I think that smell would be a pretty effective de-appetizer.

The subway system actually makes sense...except when it doesn't

• A novel idea - the seats are not covered with the fabric padding that all the CTA trains have. Consequently, the NYC trains don't smell like urine.
• M-F, the subway system is awesome. It's quick, clean, effective.
• On weekends, it's a different story. Schedules change on a whim ("just an FYI, this train will not be making the next 6 stops"). Construction means many stops/stations are completely inaccessible. 
• Still, it's roughly 42 times better than the CTA.

There is nothing quite like walking around Midtown while listening to Jay-Z's Empire State of Mind

• Self explanatory.

West Side Story on Broadway

I lost my NYC Broadway virginity in style last week, going to the revival of West Side Story. It exceeded all expectations, changed how I view an entire scene from the movie, and caused me to have a few "Holy Crap!" moments.

First some context on the situation. I've been traveling to New York since the beginning of August for Diamond client work. New York is definitely a unique city and different from anywhere else I've ever been, but we'll save that for another time. Last weekend, I had a friend visit me, and seeing a Broadway musical was pretty high on our priority list.

Now some context on West Side Story and me. My first year in the Minnesota All-State Orchestra (I was a sophomore), we played a West Side Story medley. I hadn't yet seen the movie, but the music was intoxicating. I vividly remember actually REHEARSING the shouting of "MAMBO!" (our conductor was very careful in pointing out that we should shout "MAM-bo", not "mam-BO"). The concertmaster for that concert only had one solo, a completely saccharine addition to "Somewhere", but naturally, I was insanely jealous of her. I also loved the fact that Lenny composed all the music. I think looking back, we will remember Bernstein for two things - being the colorful conductor of the New York Phil and composing the music for West Side Story.

Of course, it went to a whole other level when I finally saw the movie and understood just what all the music signified. There was a time when I knew most of Tony's lyrics by heart and desperately hoped the high school would choose to do West Side Story (instead of the usual drab random Shakespeare production we seemed to do every year). Never mind that I couldn't (and can't) sing, but I never doubted that I wouldn't get that part. That part was written for me. Since that was around the time that I decided I love music and love playing music, West Side Story has always held a special place for me.

I just met a girl...

In terms of actually seeing it live, there were two immediate realizations that I made. First, wow, EVERYONE that gets to sing has an amazing voice. I might have some qualms with the delivery (I thought Tony used way too much vibrato), but the actual sound quality is amazing, especially when I feel like sometimes they should be winded from all the dancing.

The second is on the dancing and choreography. I remember seeing the group dance scene (when they do "Mambo") and thinking "there are people in this world that can dance like THAT?". The dancing is very violent in its movements but so well coordinated. I think when I watch the movie, I tend to discount how impressive everything is because I just assumed they took a few takes or maybe edited some stuff. Seeing all the dancing live and realizing that they really are this good? That turned out to be my personal highlight.

In terms of the actors and roles, as I mentioned, I didn't particularly care for Tony (too much vibrato and not very musical). Anita was great and very sultry (my friend mentioned that she looked like Penelope Cruz, just perfect). I enjoyed Riff although I never realized how little singing he actually does. Bernardo looked like he should've been running a Colombian drug cartel (very colorful suit and gangster hair). Maria (Josefina Scaglione) was off the charts - very beautiful and great soprano voice.

I will definitely make it back for another musical. There is the completely absurd American Idiot playing right now that I might see (I love Green Day and love the album, but I don't see how that makes it a musical, which requires, you know, acting). I also want to see Lion King at some point. But for now, I am completely satisfied with my Broadway musical experience.

Diamond...and Improv

I started my first day at Diamond today. The official name is Diamond Management & Technology Consultants, but that is just way too long for me to keep writing. It's my first experience in consulting, and I was really impressed with all the members of my training class. We have people from all over, esp. many from NYC. Everyone seems really sharp and outgoing, even compared with typical MBA students.

The entire day was fairly predictable. We learned about how awesome Diamond is various consulting things (the official policy for determining what is reimbursable rivals only the user manual for IBM's Deep Blue). However, the last training event of the day was a refreshing change of pace and I think will be fairly useful. Diamond brought in an Improv instructor to go over basic improv techniques and how to apply them in business settings.

We had two major activities that I will remember well. In the first, we were in pairs, and we had to start each sentence with the same word that the last sentence ended in. The consequence of this is you have to focus on what the other person is saying until the very end. All too often I find myself eager to reply to a statement before the statement has even been finished. I want to work on that and focus on listening to the entirety of the conversation.

The second major activity revolved around starting conversations with "no, but", "yes, but", and finally "yes, and". The key here is to demonstrate that we can signal acceptance without also signaling agreement. I love psychological stuff like this. The idea is that people are more willing to listen to what you say if they feel like you initially accept what they say. Even if you disagree with a statement, it's better to reply with "Yes, and..." and finish by expressing your opinion.

I'm really looking forward to the rest of training. I also found out today that I will be staffed with a major global wealth management firm out of NYC. More on that later.

Happiness

Celebrated the one-year Enova anniversary by accepting the Diamond offer today.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
- Andy Dufresne

I love the Minnesota Timberwolves. I also love what Andy said to Red up there. It stands to reason then that I love the NBA draft. Even a chronically disappointing franchise like the Timberwolves can hope for a savior-type talent through the draft because every lottery team has a shot at the top pick.

I was discussing the recent draft lottery results (in which the Timberwolves ended up with the 4th overall pick) with my friend, and he made the comment, "How did we go from 2nd to 4th?  We can't even lose right." That got me thinking. For a team as familiar with the draft lottery as the Timberwolves, it didn't seem like there were ever any celebrations; simply put, the Timberwolves never seem to be power brokers in the draft, and that is reflected in the fact that they have never picked higher than 3rd overall.

First, a quick introduction to how the draft lottery works. Every non-playoff team has a shot at getting one of the top 3 picks in the draft. The more losses, the bigger the chance. In the event of a tie in records, a coin flip determines which team gets priority (and a slightly higher probability). The probability weights have changed over the years (see here if you are really interested), but the fundamental concept has not. In every draft, unless a team "wins" one of the top 3 picks, they are assigned their pick according to the reverse order of finish in the standings.

 Pink ties are just a small part of what makes Timberwolves drafts great

I took a closer look at every Timberwolves opportunity in the draft lottery, only to find that the Timberwolves have never moved up in the draft. As in, they have never done better in 20 years of existence under the lottery system. They have had 14 chances in the lottery since their inception, and they have never been able to improve on their expected draft position.

* the Timberwolves had possession of the Nets pick as a result of the Marbury-Cassell-Brandon trade

The Timberwolves, in their 14 lottery chances, have been expected to get an average draft position of 4.79. In reality, they got an average draft position of 5.79, a full pick lower. This includes the year they had New Jersey's pick. In this entire span, the only time that you could characterize the Wolves as having even a moderately successful draft lottery experience was in 2008, when they won the 3rd pick while having the 3rd most ping pong balls.

The 2008 draft actually brings up another point about the Wolves draft history, in that they have been incredibly unlucky in their placements. Three times they have gotten the 3rd pick in a 2-player draft (1992 with Shaquille O'Neal and Alonzo Mourning, 2008 with Greg Oden and Kevin Durant, and 2010 with John Wall and Evan Turner). In all three cases (esp. 1992), the Timberwolves did the best they could with the hand dealt, despite the fact that their draft position represented a huge drop-off in talent.

Call me crazy, but I think I want the guy on the left

Finally, the Timberwolves have compounded the issue themselves by making poor decisions in the draft. There has certainly been analysis done on the poor drafting decisions (let us not revisit the logic of drafting Wally Z immediately before Rip Hamilton, Andre Miller, Shawn Marion, and Jason Terry), but it's still worth pointing out that outside of 1995, the organization has not drafted a player that would be even be considered for an All-NBA team. They've seemingly succeeded at outsmarting themselves a few times (Marbury over Allen and Foye over Roy to name a few examples).

The Timberwolves did not win the 2010 NBA Draft Lottery. In fact, they've been so incredibly unlucky that playing the draft lottery has not helped their expected situation one time. The team will be in the Draft Lottery again next year. DraftExpress currently says it'll be 6-8 forward Harrison Barnes (note: I am not at all excited about this guy; in general, unless you are drafting Lebron James, I think it's a bad idea to draft any position outside of Point Guard or Center at the number one overall).

As a rational person, I can't help but think that the long string of unsuccessful attempts will eventually even out. But, we are talking about the Timberwolves here - their fearless leaders have tended to inspire a lot of fear over the years.

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Fight Club: Book Review

Fight Club is one of my favorite movies, and it's part of the short list (off the top of my head, that would be City of God, The Shawshank Redemption, Godfather I and II, Goodfellas, This is Spinal Tap, and Anchorman). Despite what some think, the movie is incredibly rewatchable for me. I had heard that the book is an even better story than the movie and finally got around to reading it.

Chuck Palahniuk definitely has a very unique writing style. It's not quite stream of consciousness, but rather just a stunning display of randomness. In the movie, we hear the narrartor's thoughts, and they tend to be a confusing jumble of statements (I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke). The book is basically that, taken to the next level. Sometimes the quick read slows down as you try to make sense of the random thoughts from Palahniuk.

The focus of the story is also very different compared to the movie. The movie frames the true identity of Tyler Durden as a surprise and only very careful and astute viewers pick it up the first time through the movie. It also places a huge emphasis on the anarchy aspect in Project Mayhem, laying the rhetoric on thick (We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives).

The book, on the other hand, really focuses on the inner battle for the narrator. The reader should be able to realize about halfway through the book what Tyler Durden is. When the revelation is actually revealed in the book, it is more about how the narrator reacts to it rather than to surprise the reader. The anarchy aspect is also toned down in the book. Again, most of the focus is on the narrator and his thoughts; Tyler Durden actually has a small role in the book compared to the movie.

Other than differences, the two are pretty similar. The book is a very enjoyable read and highly recommended for anyone that liked the movie. It offers a different perspective from the movie and offers more than just the novelty of the plot. It also has a very clever ending (different from the movie) that I will not spoil.